blogII moves to xanga

blogigo was annoying, so i moved my other blog to xanga

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=nolakid

a very interesting article

eightstar turned me on to this article

This is a very interesting article. It is also quite long, but worth the read.

The author recounts some of a story from his high school years: his 'born-again' phase, and a little about how we "left the fold".

What was profound for me was the kinship I felt with this guy as he spoke about how he is still "haunted" by this phase. He is haunted by his love for Jesus. I feel his pain.

I've had many mental wanderings in, around, and through faith, sometimes even out of, maybe. But, I cannot "leave the fold" for one simple reason; I am desparately in love with the Shepherd. Jesus holds my heart in a deep and seemingly unshakeable way. No matter where my mind goes, or even my emotions, I cannot let go of Jesus. And, he is so profound, powerful, and real to me as to keep me believing in his deity. I've never known of any other man or god so...AWESOME. He stands alone. I stand with him.

double duty

Well, I've started a second, "safer" blog, which I will be able to "publicize" to a wider circle. There's a lot of stuff I've written here that would just fluster, even anger some folks, and I don't want to do that. Some people just see the world differently than I do, and I can't make them change. I hope I can influence them, and they will influence me, but reading this blog would be a step toward ending relationship, and I don't want that.

So, my time will be divided between here and www.blogigo.co.uk/chialphamatt

Regarding my most recent post, well, it blew up into a ranting and raving session at God. The questions went deep, and bundled with my inability to swallow the concept of hell as active torment for eternity. I'll spare everyone my rants. Here's something else:

The call of Christ flies directly in the face of all hedonism. His call is not to congregate in safe (boring) communities, insulated from the devestation of hedonism and wickedness. The world is wise and ardent in pursuing its aims. The follower of Jesus must be all the more. People spend gobs of money and time and energy to revel at Mardi Gras. Jesus followers ought to spend gobs of time and money and energy to confront wickedness, injustice and oppression, and to break the powers of poverty and ignorance--to encounter and share eternal joys and pleasures with every creature. Christ's call is a call to charge into battle, not retreat.

So, basically, it gets really difficult for me to divorce my efforts of sharing faith and the core of my faith, itself. The theology and philosophy behind those efforts is intimately tied to my relationship with God. If I am losing confidence in my "ministry" or leadership, or questioning the concept or current methods of evangelism, I end up losing confidence in faith. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it's actually kind of comforting to know that my belief and practice are so tightly knit together; that's never a bad thing.

there really is more to say about this. it will be on one of my blogs soon.

humility vs. ego and the fine line paradox

I keep running up against the same question. Sometimes it's a nagging doubt in a relationship. Othertimes it saps my confidence from my work as a campus missionary. Occasionally, it threatens my faith.

It can be phrased many ways. Here are few to help draw out the nuances I wrestle with:
Where is the line between the concern of love and the demands of selfishness?
What is the difference between a bold defence of truth and a bigoted belittling of another's perspective?
How much of my truth is the Truth, and how much is contextual construction?
Where does one fall from humility and teachability to the quicksand of relativism?

The challenges of postmodern philosophy, the outspoken claims of irate and disillusioned "postChristians", and the realization of my own undercurrent of arrogance have combined to make me very conscientous of this fine line paradox. I have a significant amount of experience with "street witnessing" or "contact evangelism", and it is in these scenarios that I began to see the battle. When I meet someone to share faith with them, I can take a couple of different approaches. However, the most often used approach is a rather domineering approach that I have come to see as being more about the expressing of one's ego, and/or the fulfillment of a religious obligation than about truly sharing the truth in love. If I am to love someone, I must do my best to express that love in a way s/he will understand as honest care. Love is not something I can express on my own terms.

I know I'm jumping around in this a bit, please bear with me.
Where does love enter the picture? Well, I am convinced that the Great Commandment (Love God, Love your neighbor) comes first in priority, over and above the Great Commission (make disciples of all nations/preach the Good news). When I seek to fulfill my role in the Great Commission, I must do so in obedience to the Great Commandment. The people I interact with, whether it be in a faith conversation, through public speaking, or in a day-to-day relationship must be honored more than myself.

...that's all for tonight. I will continue, hopefully tomorrow.

eightstar strikes

eightstar

this article is exqusite, and hints at the feelings behind my resolution, below

my new year's resolution

22dec2004
I have decided to waste my life.
In the words of the post-modern philosophers, "every action takes place in a web of social struggle." No action is without violence, and every embrace carries exclusion with it. This is the world I live in. This is the world I will waste my life on.
There is no utopia I can create. There is no great eternal peace that I will foster, nor will I impose my own peace on the world. I cannot end racism, sexism, ageism, or any other form of bigotry, hatred or prejudice. But, I will waste my life in pursuit of this dream.
In the midst of my struggle for justice, truth, peace--embrace--I may just bring reconciliation into a broken friendship, or help an international student find truth and justice buying a used car. Maybe, I will find the courage to uncoditionally face and embrace my wife without exclusion. Certainly, I will find Jesus i the midst of it all. I'm convinced that he will be in this struggle with me, as he wasted his life on the same dream. He embraced exclusion itself. He will be with me.
And, in the midst of this waste, I hold onto hope that the Kingdom truly is at hand, that Jesus is returning with the light of all truth, the reconciliation of perfect justice, and the liberation of real peace. It's a fantastic, foolish dream. I believe it in the core of my being.