i told you so

A good friend is trying to make a difficult decision. Say, she’s trying to decide whether or not to date this new guy. You are opposed to the idea and are somewhat vocal about it. She wavers and waffles, and finally decides to give the guy a chance.

You have the privilege of being right. He’s a prig, a snot, a jerk, a player—he makes meat pie out of your dear friend’s heart, and she is sitting with you now. She has moved beyond sobbing, and is taxiing to the runway of “bash the man for all he should’ve been worth”.

It’s temptation time for you.

…

“I

told

you

so.”

…

Out it comes, and you probably didn’t even think about it. You just said it, because you had the right to. Here she is tugging at your heart because of a stupid decision you warned her against. You warned her!

“So, what’s the big deal?” you ask. The big deal is that you’re playing a part just as perverted and evil as the player/jerk/snot/prig. You are a jerk. (Don’t be offended, I’ve been this snot-faced loser myself, far too often. My idiocy has helped teach me the lesson I’m conveying.)

Here is you friend: embarrassed (she remembers what you said), miserable (her heart’s been ripped out and served on a platter), and desperate (rejection is fun, until you realize it’s real). Here she is, and you’ve got nothing better to say than “I warned you,” or “I told you so?”

Actually, could you say anything worse? Here’s the moment for compassion and encouragement, empathy and hug, and you’re exerting your power over her. “Hey, it hurts doesn’t it? Yea, if you just would’ve listened to me, everything would have been ok. I know what’s best for you. You should always listen to me, because I’m so much smarter than you. Next time, you’ll listen to me won’t you?”

No, you don’t say all those words, but you get the point across, and she answers back, “I know, I should’ve listened to you.” And now, isn’t she so lucky to have you as a friend. She feels so comforted and encouraged knowing now that you know everything, and are more than willing to hang it over her head.

Sounds pretty bad, eh? Yea, that’s because it is bad. I’m in the process of learning to swallow that insidious expression of pride and power mongering. What good does it accomplish besides making me feel good and powerful in the midst of another’s embarrassment and/or misery? God is capable of answering us with “I told you so” at every stage of our existence, every moment of our despair. Yet, He never does. He quietly restores our broken heart and let’s us choose to trust Him as He sets us on a path toward joy. Let’s be imitators of God.